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My Flu

A tree doesn’t grab hold of every kind of weather or it would be pulled down and destroyed. Likewise, our job is to notice storms, not hang on to them and let them uproot us. ~ Jewel I have battled anxiety and depression most of my life. I call it my flu because it doesn’t stay, but like any virus it has power. I respect it, and I realize that when it comes it wants to destroy me. Today, at fifty-three-years-old, I’ve never been more comfortable with my flu and it’s never been buried so deep. I haven’t been this healthy or happy since I was a child. Writing down the reasons for this helped me realize how intentional I …

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I’m So Tired

I guess I just feel like Nobody’s honest Nobody’s true Everyone’s lying To make it on through I guess I just feel like I’m the same way, too ~ John Mayer When I was a teenager, I met a strange little man at church. “Richard” was a quiet, mysterious, Bible-carrying believer. He probably wasn’t old, but in 1982 everyone was old to me. He had a peace about him. He spoke softly through his smile. One day, after a Wednesday night service, I sat down with him and questioned him about his faith. He told me to get close to the Lord because one day, it will be the only truth there is. He closed his eyes as if he …

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Pandemic Memories

One day, in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, a friend said to me, “I hope you’re journaling because you’ll forget a lot of this in a few months and most of it in a year.” With the future in mind, I kept a legal pad on my desk and jotted down what was happening and how I was feeling during the strangest days of my life. My notes begin with the afternoon my company sent everybody home. I was in disbelief. Is this really happening? I wanted to go hug people, but I guess that wouldn’t be wise. So, I gathered a few things and walked out the door. I spent the weekend trying to regain my bearings. I’ll …

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NEVER AGAIN

Wow. What an incredible few weeks. I don’t know about you, but my emotions are all over the place. One minute, I’m hopeful and I look for signs we’re coming out of this. The next, I’m riddled with worry and I wonder what else will be taken from me. It all seems so…unreal. Some of my prayers are obvious: That God heals the sick, comforts people dealing with loss, and that scientists quickly discover a way to rid the earth of this horrible virus. I also find myself praying that when all of this over, we’re never the same again. I wrote in my journal last week: The only thing worse than the virus would be if we emerge from …

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Where Is God?

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I had a brief and very real crisis in faith when my dog died. Even writing that seems silly, but it’s true. I’d like to tell you about it. Sparky was our family’s dog for twelve years. He was THE BEST. Part terrier, part schnauzer he was a mishmash of a mutt. He was smart. He was fun. And I loved him. One day – out of nowhere – this perfectly healthy dog became virtually paralyzed. He could only move his left hind leg and his head. He looked scared and confused. There was little the vet could do for him. It was heartbreaking. I spent one final day with him alone. He …