Grief is the feeling of a door closing on the life you thought you’d have.
I once met with a publisher about a book idea on grief. During our conversation, she asked, “What do you know personally about grief?” She stared into my eyes, waiting for an answer. “Honestly, I said. “Not much.”
I quickly realized that my interest in grief wasn’t enough. If your world has never been muted by loss, if the colors of life itself haven’t been dulled or stripped away entirely, you probably shouldn’t be pitching a book on the subject.
What I wanted to say is that grief isn’t just about losing someone you love. It can also be about grieving a relationship that fell apart, feeling like you missed out on your younger years, or regretting past mistakes. It’s that gut feeling of sadness when you realize you’re on a path you didn’t choose—or one you never had the chance to take.
Take a look around you. Chances are, someone near you had a picture of the life they would be living—and the picture is all wrong.
That loss must be grieved. You can’t open the door to another dream while you’re still standing in front of the door that permanently closed.
And you can’t do it alone.
David Kessler, a world-renowned expert on grief, says that grief demands a witness. You need to talk about it. For some, that means seeking the help of a therapist. For others, it’s about finding a safe person to connect with. Grief, no matter what form it takes, needs space to be seen, heard, and validated.
So maybe I’m not the one to write the book. Maybe all I can do is encourage you. Maybe someone needs to hear that “You have permission to grieve.” And when you do, you’ll move forward with your grief—always a part of you, but no longer in control, just a quiet companion.
How much have you missed standing in front of that door? It’s time to heal. People need you and you’re worth it.
